A Decade.

 A decade seems like such a substantial amount of time. Children turn into teenagers, teenagers turn into adults and parents, fashion completely evolves, significant anniversaries are celebrated, and people continue to ask, "Where do you see yourself in ten years?"  Apparently, a decade is important.

A decade has now passed since I lost my mother.  Ten years ago today, she left this earth and began a new life with her Heavenly Father, her Savior, her mother, her ancestors, and maybe even Elvis.

I spent some time today reading my journal entries from that time, and I cried...not really for the loss of my mother, but for the heartbroken girl who wrote them.  That girl was only fifteen, and the ability to see herself in ten years was non-existent.  Ten years felt like a lifetime away, and an impossible journey to make without a mother or father.  She wrote of being scared that she would never be able to find the same kind of joy she once knew without her mother's presence, and how she did not know how to exist in a world where her mother did not.  

A decade has gone by, and I am no longer that girl. With the help of amazing brothers, true friends and supportive grandparents, I have found joy, independence, love and strength.  I have learned how to exist in a world where my mother does not, because there is no other way.  I am proud to be her daughter, and blessed because she taught me how to survive.  In the past decade I have experienced incredible challenges and amazing blessings, and I know she never missed a moment of it.

I miss her more than words can ever say.  And I don't think my heart will ever stop hurting, no matter how many more decades come and go.  But I can see myself ten years from now, being the woman she raised me to be, and that is enough.

"Wishing you were somehow here again."

Mary Raelene Metcalf

11-1-49 - 8-17-01

Also, click here. Sometimes music is just better than words.