$@*%!!!!

We have been engaged for four months. Holy crap.

I thought, 14-month engagement, pleeeennnnty of time to accomplish everything I want, including but not limited to:

• lose a bunch of weight
• blog regularly
• check off the things on my wedding DIY list

Well, a couple days ago, I was partaking in my daily block-out-the-world-therapy of Weddingbee, when I got hit with a BAM moment.

(image, then BAM added by me of course)

Weddingbee, for those who do not know, is like the Mecca of internet wedding blog world. It's a collection of internationally-chosen bloggers (engaged and married) who write about their experiences in wedding planning, relationships, family, etc. I became addicted to the Bee about a year ago after my awesome twinsie Andrea told me about it (Yes, Pete and I really have been planning our wedding for THAT long). It immediately became one of my goals to someday become a writer for the Bee. It's a very selective application process, and you cannot apply unless it's within a certain time-frame of your wedding. And of course, you have to have an active personal blog for your application to be based upon. SO, for those of you who haven't already figured it out...I pretty much only started this blog because of Weddingbee, in the hopes that within my ridiculously long engagement I would have enough time to get my blog going and acceptable for Bee status.

Okay, okay, I was telling a story here, right? Yes. So I was reading the Bee, specifically a post by a brand new Bee (Miss Handbag), when I happen to glance over at her wedding date: March 2011. *Enter mental expletives here* March??? March is only 2 months before MAY.

This made me realize that the earliest I can apply is in just two months. Which led me to my next realization of the fact that four months of our engagement have already passed...and we are now less than 300 days out. Which led to my realization of how much I have NOT done.

• I have not lost any weight. Instead I have gained at least 5 lbs since our engagement, bringing me up to the most I have ever weighed in my life.
• I have not been blogging as much I want to. I keep doing homework instead (how boring is that??)
• I am officially two months behind on my DIY schedule. Being broke and deciding that I must completely RE-make our save-the-dates will do that to you.

I have been so stressed out by summer school and money problems and work issues that I haven't done anything that I actually want to be doing. I keep hearing the voice of Ferris Beuller in my head:

Life moves by pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around, you could miss it.

I've missed a lot in the past few months. And I'm sick of it. I'm not happy.

It's time for some changes, dammit.

I have plans. I'll be updating soon.

Anyone else out there feel like life is moving a bit too fast for your taste?

"I don't own emotion- I rent."

Right now I should be reading about sexuality in ancient Greece and Rome. And I should be making lesson plans for my summer job that I start on Tuesday. But, as usual over the past few weeks, I cannot focus on anything that I should be doing, so instead I am indulging in some RENT therapy.

Translation, I watch the movie RENT on repeat all day while I attempt to do other incredibly important things like facebook, blogging, crying, and turning my bed into a car garage with Ryan (okay maybe the car garage is the only important thing on that list, but that's okay). My RENT therapy sessions began back in 2007 when I first moved to Phoenix after my marriage ended, when life was at its absolute hardest. Over the years I have found that the fantastic work of Jonathan Larson has a way of helping me to not *completely* lose it...and the beauty of Adam Pascal doesn't hurt either.

This summer is definitely taking its toll on me. I'm not alone - Poor Peter's stress rash is getting worse and he's scratching his skin to death, and little Bug is so incredibly bored being stuck inside with me every day trying to stay out of the scorching heat. I don't sleep at night anymore - I stay awake working on wedding projects and designs, reading blogs, organizing my fall class schedule...anything that keeps my mind busy and off of all the unpleasant crap of this summer. As long as I'm obsessing over the perfect wording for our invitations or the details of my adorable little wedding map, theres no room in my head to think about everything else...which is great, except for the fact that I don't go to bed til 4 am...and then I have the whole day to try to do homework and make lesson plans and inevitably think about all that crap I tried to avoid all night. It's a vicious cycle, that leads to my ever-so-present bad mood and the need for RENT therapy.

So... Today I did some required reading, I signed our catering contract, I ate a cheesy gordita crunch, I called my brother, I cried after I hung up, I spent 30 minutes on hold with DCSE, and I surfed the web for attorneys. Now I am trying to ignore the pile of toys and blankets next to me (leftover from the destruction of the car garage) and I am trying to focus on today's RENT therapy inspiration:

"How do you connect in an age when strangers, landlords, lovers, your own blood cells betray? What binds the fabric together when the raging shifting winds of change keep ripping away?"

"Draw a line in the sand and then make a stand."

I don't know exactly how yet, but I need to draw a line and make a stand against the summer of 2010. Any suggestions are welcome. Now back to lesson plans.

Independence Day. Minus Will Smith.

I hope everyone had a great holiday weekend.

I was a bit melancholy most of the weekend as I was missing my family, and Pete was suffering through the weekend as he is inflicted with a horrible stress-induced skin reaction (I'll spare you the gory details)...so our 4th of July was very low-key. We stayed in bed and watched a bunch of ER and Friends DVDs, we hung out in the pool, and we had a little picnic while we waited for fireworks. I didn't even take very many pictures, but I managed to capture a few of the moments that truly made me smile...

I couldn't let this moment pass without taking pictures. They are just too damn cute.

He's so adorable.

My love and I got a couple pics of each other in before the fireworks.

He's so handsome.

Doesn't everyone have a patriotic pillow? Oh, that's just me.

It's hard to believe that next year we will be a married couple (family) watching the fireworks. I can't wait.

New Name

I renamed the blog today.

Why? Well, mostly just because the old name was bugging me. Pretty much everything in life is bugging me lately, and my blog did not escape the list of things getting on my nerves, so I changed it to something that I think will derive happier reactions.

"Love Story" is a very meaningful phrase for Pete and I. Of course pretty much everyone in the world has heard Taylor Swift's song Love Story, and although it may be overplayed and so-last-year, it is "our" song and it makes me smile every time I hear it. The lyrics have nothing to do with Pete and me, but we established it as our song a long time ago (as we were dancing to it in the swimming pool), and whenever I hear it, I think of the first summer we were dating, and our road trips to Vegas, and more than anything, I think of the day Pete asked me to marry him. So it makes me happy to title my blog "Love Story". And I need all the happy I can get right now as I am still fighting this not-so-great summer of stress and blues.

It's a reminder that real love stories are not fairy tales, they are stories of people who go through good times and bad times, through thick and thin, and their love survives through it all. Pete and I have already made it through some pretty rough times both on our own and as a couple, and I know our life will bring many more and greater challenges for us to overcome together. We can do it. It's a love story.