I'll be your Little Bug forever.

Last week I was watching the first episode of Dr. Phil I had seen in like 2 years.  Aside from high school flashbacks to Andrea's couch, it was pretty uneventful.  It was about some teenage boy who has been on drugs, stealing from his parents, and altogether circling the drain.  At some point during the show, Ryan woke up from his nap and came to crawl on to my lap.  With sudden fears of someday raising a teenager in the horrific culture of this world, I asked him if he could just stay my baby forever.

He hugged me and said "I'll be your little Bug forever, Mommy."
Melted. My. Heart.

I remembered that moment as I was just looking through some pictures of the little Bug and thought maybe I should post some recent pictures that have not found their way to facebook.
So, I present to you, in all his amazingness, my perfect little man.

Your blue eyes looking back at me...

Sometimes there are songs I just can't get out of my head.  As I was catching up on some blogs today, I saw a beautiful picture of a woman walking down the aisle with her father...and this song flooded my brain.  My oldest brother will be walking me down the aisle at my wedding, not my father.  And while most of the time this fact doesn't bother me in the slightest...when I hear this song, I cry.  I realize that most people may not understand the meaning...but I just had to write it down.

Sometimes I think about you
Wonder if you're out there somewhere thinking 'bout me
And would you even recognize
The woman that your little girl has grown up to be

'Cause I look in the mirror and all I see
Are your blue eyes looking back at me
They're the only thing you ever gave to me at all.

Oh, I hear the weather's nice in California
There's sunny skies as far as I can see
If you ever come back home to Carolina
I wonder what you'd say to me

Did you think I didn't need you here?
To hold my hand, to dry my tears?
Did you even miss me through the years at all?

Oh, I hear the weather's nice in California
There's sunny skies as far as I can see
If you ever come back home to Carolina
I wonder what you'd say to me

Forgiveness is such a simple word
But it's so hard to do when you've been hurt

Oh, I hear the weather's nice in California
And just in case you're wondering about me
From now on I won't be in Carolina
Your little girl is off, your little girl is off
Your little girl is off to Tennessee

What is it about weddings and funerals..?

I don't remember where I heard that line, but I saw it on some movie or TV show recently. I think it was Brothers & Sisters? (excellent show - go watch).  Anyway, it continued with the pondering question of why people seem to be a a bit nuts when it comes to events such as weddings and funerals.  And with only 4 weeks til D-Day, Pete and I have been pondering the same issue.  (And it makes me want to watch My Big Fat Greek Wedding.)

Simply stated...our "small, intimate, simple wedding" has brought about an unexpected amount of drama, bad behavior, awkward conversations, family issues, and luckily even some unexpected happy developments over the past 14 months...and it gets thicker as we move closer to the wedding.

It seems like a balancing act - in the beginning, it was just Pete and I stressing about everything, overreacting, and letting the wedding turn us into crazy people (okay, I use the word us pretty lightly - it should say me).  But now that we are finally past all the stress and pretty content in our excitement-induced haze of projects and squealing and honeymoon daydreaming...everyone else around us seems to be going to the Dark Side.  Due to the fact that I will not publicly discuss the details of the many wedding party/family/friends/attire/guest list issues that have been going on in relation to our wedding, the most I can say is that I am truly puzzled by the fact that weddings (and maybe funerals?) have this weird ability to invoke such madness.

On the flip side, I am so thrilled that our wedding has also been responsible for renewed friendships (Britt & Holli - I'm love you both), much overdue vacations (Mariah, that's for you!), an excuse to talk to my sisters-in-law more, a chance for Ryan to spend a week with his cousins that he rarely ever sees, and so many wonderful things that have come from the hours and hours Pete and I have spent together planning the whole thing.

It really is a bit like a typical episode of Brothers & Sisters, now that I think about it.  There's a group of people who know each other too well and not at all, a lot drama, usually some secrets, some fighting, some laughing, some growing...and in the end, there's a lot of food and wine and a lot of love. That's what family (and friendships) are all about, right?  <3

The Return of the Jedi...

Okay I may not be a Jedi, but I have yoga pants with the name Kenobi on them and a pair of Chewbacca slippers...and I have gloriously returned to my blog...so it's the best title I could think of.  (Plus, it's Star Wars Saturday on channel 25.)

I have not posted anything in (gasp) almost 8 months. There are several reasons why.
First, my computer crashed. And I hate Pete's Mac...so I stayed away from the interwebs for a while.  Secondly, last summer was incredibly rough for me (as my previous posts suggested). I was dealing with bouts of depression, incredibly difficult financial situations, parenting struggles, a lack of family support and one of the most miserably hot summers Phoenix has seen in years.  Basically, I had no motivation and nothing good to write about.  Additionally, at some point, I experienced an epiphany while reading a post on Weddingbee that made me completely change my mind about wanting to become a Weddingbee blogger myself (which was the original intention of starting this blog).  So I disappeared.

Thankfully, things in GinaPeteRyanWorld have improved incredibly since my last post (with the exception of the the fact that I hate our new apartment, but that's another story).  Pete is thriving at his new job.  Ryan's behavior changed dramatically once we got out of the "terrorist threes."  My relationships with my brothers have improved and Pete's relationships with his siblings have been rebuilt.  I reconnected with one of my best friends and love that we get to see each other so much more now. My Love and I shared a weekend in October that strengthened and healed our relationship in ways I never expected.  In the past 8 months, I survived the evil-ness of summer school, the crapy-ness of fall semester, my first teaching internship, and I am just a few weeks away from finishing yet another semester of school and my second internship.  All the while, we have also pulled together plans and endless DIY projects for our wedding, which (holy cow) is only 5 weeks away!!!

A few friends have mentioned that they miss my blog posts, so I have decided to give it another go.  With our wedding creeping closer everyday, my excitement is building and I need some way to let it out, so I figured here would be a good place for others to count down with us and share the joy. :)

That's all for now - Luke, Han and Leia are about to be fed to the Sarlacc and I've got to finish sewing up my post-reception party dress for the big day. Happy Saturday!