Money and Purple Toenails.

I have not been blogging the past couple weeks. Truth be told, it is not at all that I have nothing to write about...it's actually been that I have so much to write about, so much to get out and vent, so much to explain, that it seems to be too much to even figure out where to start. The past two weeks have been...well, rough.

Let's start here: I have purple toenails. Translation: Something is clearly wrong with me.

Those of you who are not my very closest girl friends are probably wondering why the hell the color of my toenails says anything about...well, anything. So let me explain: I have had my toenails painted black since I was about 14. Yeah, that's 10 years of the same color. There have been pink and white flowers, jewels, sparkles and even one vampire bat over the years, but the base background color has always been black (the only exception I can remember was my junior prom). As crazy as it sounds, the black toenails became a sort of a comfort for me - a reminder of who I am, never changed by friends or men, love or loss, or anything else in my life - A statement that says "I am still me."

But as of two days ago, in the midst of yet another crappy day, my toenails became purple, and it was entirely my choice. Yup, something is definitely wrong with me.

The truth is that I'm a nervous wreck. I have become a ridiculous ball of stress thanks to school, motherhood and some very huge (and unforseen) financial problems that have consumed almost every moment of thought I have had over the past two weeks. My sleep schedule has been completely reversed - I lay awake all night long budgeting, researching, thinking, strategizing and worrying...and then I want to do nothing but sleep all day long. I am exhausted even when I can't sleep, and I feel like crap all. the. time. My migraines have been back in full force, I'm sick to my stomach all the time, and Pete is demanding that I see a doctor about my chronic nosebleeds. My skin is breaking out everywhere thanks to the stress, and considering I still haven't made my way to the damn gym, I have this "general plague" feeling about my appearance (Thanks, Eddie). BLECH.

I know I need to get a grip on my sanity here pretty soon, but unfortunately the outlook for the next couple months is looking very bleak right now (financially speaking). Hopefully by about October everything is going to start balancing out, and with any luck the wedding plans will continue to move forward...but unless I win the lottery or *finally* shack up with George Clooney, I don't see the headaches over our budget going away any time in the near future.

So what now? I've considered anxiety medication, yoga, and lots of pizza...but I'm not sure if any of that is going to do the trick of picking me up out of the gutter and calming me down before I end up Howard Hughes-ing it (see pic below) all the way to the wedding, or graduation, or beyond.

Leo makes crazy look good.

Maybe some things will turn around soon...and if not, please bear with me, and go easy on me until the black toenail polish returns.