"I don't own emotion- I rent."

Right now I should be reading about sexuality in ancient Greece and Rome. And I should be making lesson plans for my summer job that I start on Tuesday. But, as usual over the past few weeks, I cannot focus on anything that I should be doing, so instead I am indulging in some RENT therapy.

Translation, I watch the movie RENT on repeat all day while I attempt to do other incredibly important things like facebook, blogging, crying, and turning my bed into a car garage with Ryan (okay maybe the car garage is the only important thing on that list, but that's okay). My RENT therapy sessions began back in 2007 when I first moved to Phoenix after my marriage ended, when life was at its absolute hardest. Over the years I have found that the fantastic work of Jonathan Larson has a way of helping me to not *completely* lose it...and the beauty of Adam Pascal doesn't hurt either.

This summer is definitely taking its toll on me. I'm not alone - Poor Peter's stress rash is getting worse and he's scratching his skin to death, and little Bug is so incredibly bored being stuck inside with me every day trying to stay out of the scorching heat. I don't sleep at night anymore - I stay awake working on wedding projects and designs, reading blogs, organizing my fall class schedule...anything that keeps my mind busy and off of all the unpleasant crap of this summer. As long as I'm obsessing over the perfect wording for our invitations or the details of my adorable little wedding map, theres no room in my head to think about everything else...which is great, except for the fact that I don't go to bed til 4 am...and then I have the whole day to try to do homework and make lesson plans and inevitably think about all that crap I tried to avoid all night. It's a vicious cycle, that leads to my ever-so-present bad mood and the need for RENT therapy.

So... Today I did some required reading, I signed our catering contract, I ate a cheesy gordita crunch, I called my brother, I cried after I hung up, I spent 30 minutes on hold with DCSE, and I surfed the web for attorneys. Now I am trying to ignore the pile of toys and blankets next to me (leftover from the destruction of the car garage) and I am trying to focus on today's RENT therapy inspiration:

"How do you connect in an age when strangers, landlords, lovers, your own blood cells betray? What binds the fabric together when the raging shifting winds of change keep ripping away?"

"Draw a line in the sand and then make a stand."

I don't know exactly how yet, but I need to draw a line and make a stand against the summer of 2010. Any suggestions are welcome. Now back to lesson plans.