The Thing That Should Not Be

My summer is officially over and I go back for one last semester of classes at ASU on Monday.  I spent some time reading through my syllabi for all my classes, and was slapped in the face with reality while reading the 4,000 word course description of my capstone history course: The U.S. Constitution Pro-Seminar. Allow me to share a piece of the endless rambling:

"As an HST 498: Pro-Seminar, the course of study described here represents a capstone experience for undergraduate majors or minors in History at Arizona State University.  A required, advanced course, the semester’s study offers students the opportunity to demonstrate their competence at conceptualizing, constructing, and completing a piece of writing based on primary sources and publishable as an article or a research note in a scholarly historical journal or as a chapter or essay in a scholarly anthology or collection."

ICK.

So yeah, I am a pretty good writer and it comes very naturally for me, and I posses a fabulous ability to BS my way through pretty much anything and get a good grade...BUT...I have been stuck in historical-inquiry-world for 4.5 years and I am SO.OVER.IT.

The silver lining?  I have a love affair with early American history and the US Constitution. So at least there's that.  

When this all over, I'm going to Disneyland.

A Decade.

 A decade seems like such a substantial amount of time. Children turn into teenagers, teenagers turn into adults and parents, fashion completely evolves, significant anniversaries are celebrated, and people continue to ask, "Where do you see yourself in ten years?"  Apparently, a decade is important.

A decade has now passed since I lost my mother.  Ten years ago today, she left this earth and began a new life with her Heavenly Father, her Savior, her mother, her ancestors, and maybe even Elvis.

I spent some time today reading my journal entries from that time, and I cried...not really for the loss of my mother, but for the heartbroken girl who wrote them.  That girl was only fifteen, and the ability to see herself in ten years was non-existent.  Ten years felt like a lifetime away, and an impossible journey to make without a mother or father.  She wrote of being scared that she would never be able to find the same kind of joy she once knew without her mother's presence, and how she did not know how to exist in a world where her mother did not.  

A decade has gone by, and I am no longer that girl. With the help of amazing brothers, true friends and supportive grandparents, I have found joy, independence, love and strength.  I have learned how to exist in a world where my mother does not, because there is no other way.  I am proud to be her daughter, and blessed because she taught me how to survive.  In the past decade I have experienced incredible challenges and amazing blessings, and I know she never missed a moment of it.

I miss her more than words can ever say.  And I don't think my heart will ever stop hurting, no matter how many more decades come and go.  But I can see myself ten years from now, being the woman she raised me to be, and that is enough.

"Wishing you were somehow here again."

Mary Raelene Metcalf

11-1-49 - 8-17-01

Also, click here. Sometimes music is just better than words.

What's that got to do with the price of eggs??

There has been extremely little happening lately, thus my lack of posting anything interesting.  As my summer break is very near to being over, these are the things that have been filling up my free time:

* cleaning
* ignoring the need to do laundry
* eating Taco Bell or Chipotle with Brittany
* stressing, strategizing, and staring at the continuous issues I keep facing in regard to my fall class schedule (yeah, classes start monday and I still haven't figured it out)
* watching Netflix with my hubby
* planning different scenarios for how Pete and I will make it through the many changes headed our way in the next few months
* trying to get Ryan interested in writing any letters other than A and B
* researching and stressing about grad school and what I'm going to do with my life

In addition to all that amazing stuff, I have also been spending some more time reading some new blogs about motherhood, marriage, etc...yet it seems I just keep getting annoyed by everything I read, which inspires a 10 minute rant to my husband, and the weird need to continue to read more aggravating posts.  For no real reason, I feel the need to list the things that are bugging me:

* Women who preach that stay-at-home-mothers are better mothers than those who work outside the home. You piss me off.
* All the things that point out why I really should be a teacher.
* All the things that point out why I really should do something other than teaching.
* Mothers who are so "organic" and "pure" that they won't even let their children play with toys that have a Disney character on them. I'm sure you had an Ariel Barbie when you were little and you grew up just fine. Get over yourself.
* Pregnancy blogs that ignore the fact that some women have horrible and difficult pregnancies/deliveries, or try to make me feel guilty for talking about it.
* Teacher certification INSANITY required by different states.

So what's all this got to do with the price of eggs?  Nothing.  But Andrea reminded me of that quote from While You Were Seeping the other day, and I've had the entire scene stuck in my head since then. 

Summary:  I need to get back to school so I will have less time to be annoyed by people.

Love & Other Drugs

The hubby and I recently watched this movie.  It was cute and funny and made me smile.  But the reason I'm writing about it is because it's one of those movies that just totally hit home for Pete and I.  There were so many similarities with how he and I fell in love, and the obstacles we faced (minus the Parkinsons and Viagra of course).  Unless you know us well enough, you may not fully understand...but trust me, these quotes are awesome...

"Because this isn't about connection for you. This isn't even about sex for you. This is about finding an hour or two of relief from the pain of being you. And that's fine with me, see, because all I want is the exact same thing."

"I have *never* cared about anybody or anything in my entire life. And the thing is, everybody just kind of accepted that. Like, "That's just Jamie." And then you!... Jesus. *You*. You. You didn't see me that way. I have never known anyone who actually believed that I was enough. Until I met you. And then you made me believe it, too. So, uh... unfortunately... I need you. And you need me."

"Let's just say in some alternate universe, there's a couple just like us, okay? Only she's healthy and he's perfect. And their world is about how much they're going to spend on vacation or who's in a bad mood that day, or whether they feel guilty about having a cleaning lady. I don't want to be those people. I want us. You. This."

That is all. <3

Summer Days, Driftin' Away...

I haven't written in a few weeks, so I think it's time to play summer catch-up for anyone interested (or just for me, since I don't write in a journal anymore).  So, this is what the boys and I have been up to this summer...

*  Pete and I went to the most adorable little seaside town called Yachats, OR, for my twinsie's beautiful wedding.  We had an unforgettable little weekend.  For more pics, go here.

So much Love & Happiness

*  Ryan went camping with Uncle Nathan & Auntie YaYa, and didn't stop talking about it for a good two weeks.
*  I finally uploaded honeymoon photos! 
*  Ryan and I are reading the original Winnie the Pooh.  Pooh just fell from the sky after Christopher Robin shot his balloon (he was pretending to be a rain cloud to scare the bees).
* We watched the series finale of Friday Night Lights, and I cried like a baby.

I'm posting this photo simply because Coach & Riggins look crazy hot.

*  I finished my FINAL term of summer school with a 4.0. :)
* We have watched the entire series of Grey's Anatomy on Netflix.

*  I spent an evening in the ER with yet another ovarian cyst. More about that to come.
*  Ryan is learning to write letters of the alphabet all on his own.  He amazes me with how easily he learns on his own, sometimes even better than when I sit down and try to teach him. 


That's about it.  Only two weeks left before I begin my final semester of undergrad classes. I wish I could say I am excited...but I'm not. I really don't want this summer to be over yet...

Can't we just go back here?

 

The Whirlwind of Before

One of my very best friends is getting married in 4 days!  And as she is currently spinning in the whirlwind of the last few days before the wedding, it has brought back memories of 2 short months ago when Pete and I were in that fabulous and horrible spin ourselves. 
So I figured I would post some pictures that have been sitting on our camera for the past 8 weeks...

My adorable boys getting ready to hit the road in our U-Haul

Roadtrip!

SO excited to be in Vegas!!!

 

 

 

Marriage License!

Paris!

Bachelor & Bachelorette Night!

The first cheeseburger I had eaten in 3 months. YUM.

The Bug watching fountains on Dad's shoulders

Our last photo before our Wedding Day <3

I hope Andrea & Nico are enjoying (or at least not totally hating) their whirlwind of before :)

Nesting

Newlywed wives are supposed to go through a nesting phase, right?  It kind of comes with the territory of wedding gifts and wedding photos that need to be framed.  Maybe it's about being a "good wife"...or maybe it's about needing to do ANYTHING to overcome the boredom of no longer planning the wedding.  In my case, it was the latter.

Adjusting to life post-wedding and honeymoon has been difficult at times. When you spend so long looking forward to one day followed by one fabulous trip, and then suddenly it's all over and you're back to real life...it can be challenging trying to not feel a bit blue.  My plan of action?  Nest.

...Well, let's backtrack a bit first.  After we got home from Vegas, our apartment became a disaster zone. There should have been yellow tape all around it.

Did I clean it?  No.  Instead I used some wedding gift money and bought a new dining room table.

And made my new husband put it together...

You need a hard hat in here.

And then I decided to paint.

Those two walls used to be white.

Then we opened all our wonderful wedding gifts, did some shopping with gift money, and I went to work trying to ignore summer school.  Here is the result of the living and dining room:

We also got some gifts for the bedroom, but we I'm not quite done with it yet, so stay tuned.

Thank you everyone for the gifts that have allowed us to make our home a bit more homey, and distracted me from homework and post-wedding blues. You all rock. :)  And your thank you notes will be arriving soon, I promise.