My Karma Rant.

Sometimes, I just really do not understand how karma works. 
Especially when it comes to my amazing husband. 

Pete is literally a genius (with an IQ to prove it), he works incredibly hard, and he is somehow good at everything he attempts to do (which is why he irritated the hell out of me when we first met, and how he earned the nickname Superman).  He has had to work in several different fields doing many different things in order to support himself over the past 10 years, and he has excelled at everything he has done.  Yet he has continually gotten screwed over by almost every employer he has ever had.  And today has been no different.  Only three days ago he and I were trying to choose between two different job opportunities that had been placed in front of him, opportunities that he so greatly deserved...and today, both opportunities fell through the cracks. 
I know that in this economy he is lucky to even have a job, and we are very grateful for that, especially given the fact that he gave up a very good job in IL to be with me and Ryan in AZ.  But sometimes it just breaks my heart to see how hard he works and how badly he ends up being treated.  Have I mentioned that in the company he works for right now, he is literally ranked #1 of all the employees in his customer service and sales stats??  Yeah, number 1.  Yet he has gotten absolutely nothing for it.  I don't understand it.

Where is karma?  My husband is the nicest guy out there. He has gotten stabbed in the back and ignored by friends he would still take a bullet for.  He helps anyone who asks for it.  He seriously has no enemies. He treats everyone with respect - whether they deserve it or not.  Yet karma has never been on his side.  He has never been given a break, never had a chance fall in his lap, and has never been recognized for what he does.  He has sacrificed so much to be an incredible father to a child that will never legally be his, no matter how hard he tries.  And at the end of the day, you'll never hear him complain about any of it.

But that doesn't mean I won't. I am angry today. I am disappointed in karma - or the belief that hard work and doing the right things pays off.  Unfortunately, it seems that nice guys really do finish last, and it's unfair.

That is my rant.

I love you, Joey. You will always be my Superman.

NKOTBSB.

On Thursday night, the fabulous Brittany and I went through a time warp.

 Oh yes, that would be the concert combining New Kids on the Block and our #1 teenage loves, the Backstreet Boys. Hello 1999 (or 1989 for the other half of the women there)!

We made kick-ass shirts...

I was uber excited waiting for her to pick me up...

Gave my sweetie some lovin to make him feel better about another man's name being on my chest...

Oh yes.

A couple hours later, Britt and I were transformed back into love-struck 14-year-olds.

(Yes that is us in 1999, flanked by BSB merchandise)

It was so awesome getting to see them live again. BSB was a huge part of my adolesence, and listening to their music takes me back to a time that I miss very much.  The height of their popularity (and our love for them) was in 1999-2000 - the last year I had before high school, before my first heartbreak, before my mother and grandmother died.  It was a time of innocence and sweetness. And we got to feel it all again for a few hours.

Brian, A.J., Nick & Howie

Their awesome sing-off finale with NKOTB

On the way home we were nostalgic and even a bit sad remembering a time when life was so simple. 

But it makes us happy that these guys are still around to remind us. <3

"Every time we're down, you can make it right, and that makes you Larger than Life..."  

- BSB Millenium

Today and every day

Almost five weeks have passed since our wedding.  

Over 2000 pictures have been sorted through, about 400 of which have finally all been posted, and Pete and I have watched our ceremony video just a few too many times.  

It is now all beginning to fade into a distant memory.

So I decided to make a little video to capture our perfect day in time, and to share it with those who were unable to be there (without having to sort through a 35 minute video and 2000 photos).

 

I present to you, May 22, 2011.

Be warned: You will probably need tissues.

 

Next up, Honeymoon pictures!!! 

And even shorter hair. :)

But the tigers come at night

It is almost 3 AM and I cannot sleep. The house is silent, and has been for hours, and I am left alone with my thoughts.

 And still I dream she'll come to me, and we can live the years together.

But there are dreams that cannot be and there are storms we cannot weather.

 

No other words need to be said.

I miss you, Mother.

He Didn't Have to Be

Happy Fathers Day to all you awesome daddies out there.

And specifically, to my amazing Husband, and to my big brother Nathan, and even to my sweet Grandpa, these song lyrics were written for rare men like you, who did not have to be fathers to someone else's child...but chose to anyway.

When a single mom goes out on a date with somebody new
It always winds up feeling more like a job interview
My momma used to wonder if she'd ever meet someone
Who wouldn't find out about me and then turn around and run 

I met the man I call my dad when I was five years old
He took my mom out to a movie and for once I got to go
A few months later I remember lying there in bed
I overheard him pop the question and prayed that she'd say yes 

And then all of a sudden
Oh, it seemed so strange to me
How we went from something's missing
To a family
Lookin' back all I can say
About all the things he did for me
Is I hope I'm at least half the dad
That he didn't have to be 

                     -Brad Paisley


I love you each so much for being the kind of men that step up to the responsibilities that so many others have neglected.  Happy Fathers Day <3

An Open Thank You Note from the Newlyweds

We did it. 

After 2 years of dating and a 15-month engagement, we finally made it to Vegas and were married. 

And it was perfect.

But it wasn't easy.
Despite my insane level of planning, the 3 days leading up to the wedding were less than perfect.  They were stressful, and emotional, and a lot of things did not go according to plan.  The low point hit at 24 hours prior to the ceremony, when we were facing the possibility of not even having the reception we had planned for the past ten months.  After three days of stress, that was news I just did not know how to handle. But luckily, I was blessed by people who did know how to handle it...and now I would like to say Thank You.

To our wedding guests:
Not only did you all get time off work and spend lots of money to travel to Las Vegas to be there, but you also changed plans once you were there, offered up favors left and right, and did everything you could to help deal with the hectic situations we were faced with.  People made and answered calls, dealt with vendors, took care of Ryan, dealt with my crazy instructions, spun napkins, made dozens of cupcakes, transported stuff, and drove all around Vegas for us. My amazing bridesmaids hugged me, dried my tears, wiped dirt off my dress, made me eat food, and made me laugh constantly.  Pete's two awesome groomsmen helped keep him calm, dealt with putting a 4-year-old in a tux, and made way too many trips between hotel rooms. Without Becky, Nathan, Angela, Mary Jo, Nico, Ryan, Ked, Rebekah, Rob, Pete's parents, and maybe even people I'm not aware of, we would not have even had a reception. And without the help of Brittany and her parents, our siblings/babysitters in Colorado, and those who graciously gifted us with honeymoon money, we would not have had the amazing honeymoon we had. 

Pete and I often feel very alone in our daily lives in Arizona. We are far away from our families, finding a babysitter is close to impossible so we rarely spend time with friends, we never have help when Ryan, or the two of us, are sick, we planned our wedding (and completed the giant list of wedding projects) by ourselves, and neither one of us are people who like to ask for help or to depend on others.  Yet, when it came down to the wire of our wedding day, we were forced to rely on you, our family members and friends, even people we had literally just met, to help us do the things we could not do ourselves...and we were blown away by the amazing feelings of love and support that surrounded us. After our reception, at 3 AM, Pete and I returned to our empty suite. We sat down together and marveled at the day we had. Our wedding day was everything we wanted it to be. It was beautiful, personal and meaningful, and we were surrounded by the people we love.  But looking back on it, we knew that none of it would have turned out that way without the help of so many friends and family members who went out of their way to be there, and to help us create the wedding day we imagined. We both agreed that the best wedding gift we received was the realization that we are NOT alone, we are loved.  So, to everyone who gave us that gift, we thank you.

Love,
The M Family.

"I'd like to be a little hole in your pocket...

...so I could be with you where ever you go."

My mom said that to me once, when I was about 14. It makes me smile when I remember it.

As it is once again Mothers Day, I have to take a moment to acknowledge the the two mothers most responsible for molding me into the mother I am, and who I miss so much sometimes it hurts to even say their names.

These photos will be tied to my bouquet on my wedding day.  A vintage photo of my grandmother, Lois, from the 1970's, and the most beautiful picture of my mother, Raelene, from her college days.  On the back of the photo of Mom is another photo taken about a year before she died. It may not be a hole in my pocket, but I think Mom would be just as satisfied with the notion. :)

It has been 10 long years since they have been gone, yet I can still hear them laughing together or bickering over something in the kitchen.  If they were at my wedding, I'm sure they would be arguing over my choice of shoes and  Grandma's insistence on wearing blue no matter what Mom has to say about it.  Perhaps they will have the same argument in Heaven...and when I look at my shoes in 2 weeks, I will think of them and laugh. 

These women are my strength, my idols, my angels.  I wish them, and all the other amazing mothers out there, a very Happy Mothers Day.